It’s hard to believe that after over a decade of quality comic book adaptations there was once a time where comic book movies were box office poison. The 90s are infamous for being a terrible decade for comic book adaptation movies, and the 1995 film Judge Dredd starring Sylvester Stallone was among them. Knowing its reputation as a poor (and occasionally hilariously bad) movie, I decided to investigate for myself.
But not without reinforcements:
My brother, Jonathan, has been watching the movie with me. He just said that this movie’s setting looks like Gotham City in space. An ugly Gotham City.
Great, Rob Schneider is in this film. Now I know it’s all going downhill from here.
I know that this is supposed to take place in a post-apocalyptic future, but there’s no real explanation for how this world came to be.
I have so many questions. What cataclysmic event caused this future? How did this new judicial system come about? Does it apply only to the United States or is this a global thing? Is this even supposed to take place in the United States? Who is the architect for this city and why have none of these law enforcement officers “judged” this person for creating such a hideous urban monstrosity?
Jonathan just pointed out that Max Von Sydow is in this movie. Jesus, Max, what happened?
Evidently, the future of law enforcement uniforms will be video game convention couture.
So, an evil former Judge named Rico stole an old robot and his Judge gun thing from what I guess is a futuristic thrift store?
A reporter and his wife just got murdered by a Judge sporting Dredd’s badge and uniform. I think based on the last scene it shouldn’t be a shocker that this isn’t the real Dredd.
Not going to lie, though. I am a fan of Judge Dredd’s method ofdealing with repeat DUI offenders. Just blow up the guy’s vehicle and send it up in flames!
When Rico and Dredd eventually meet, it will be a standoff over who can be the most unintelligible.
Diane Lane, I like you as an actress, but you are not selling me on this movie.
Diane Lane is clearly uninvested in this acting job. Almost as much as Stallone.
Dredd has been framed for the murder of the reporter, but Max von Sydow has agreed to retire in exchange for letting Dredd avoid an execution.
Wow, in this world retirement equals death via wandering in the desert. Is this telling us the future of Social Security?
Instead of death, Dredd is sentenced to imprisonment for life in a penal colony with Rob Schneider. If I had to choose between prison with Rob Schneider and execution, I would be seriously rethinking my options.
The prisoner plane was shot down in the desert, and Rob Schneider keeps asking if he’s dead yet. I wish he were.
For a while there it looked like Rob Schneider was going to get eaten by cannibals. He was not. I am greatly disappointed.
Max comes to save Dredd and Schneider (why?) and reveals that Dredd was created as an experiment to be the perfect judge. However, that did not seem to include programming him to enunciate properly.
And Max further reveals that Dredd and Rico are brothers created from Max’s DNA. Well, that makes sense; I can definitely hear the resemblance between Dredd and Rico.
Max Von Sydow is dead now, and we’re still stuck with Schneider. Who in the writers’ room thought this was a good idea?
This movie has had multiple opportunities to kill Schneider, and he’s still here. Dredd, why do you keep saving this guy?
I don’t think he knows, either. I mean, it looks he would rather shove Schneider off the motorcycle so he could get to his destination faster.
Dredd and Rico yelling and slurring at each other is probably the most entertaining part of the movie. It’s basically a contest to see who can sound the most ludicrous.
I can’t even figure out which one of them is winning. They both sound epically moronic.
Every other phrase from Stallone sounds like a marketable catchphrase trying to happen and failing horribly.
Dredd and Diane Lane just made out. So…this is a thing now? I’ve been watching this movie for over an hour, and this is entirely out of left field. When did this happen? Seriously, how did I manage to miss the palpable sexual chemistry between these two?
We end Judge Dredd with a forced romance, a dead Max Von Sydow, and very much alive Rob Schneider. The only positive thing about this movie is that it’s only 96 minutes long.
And of course, we end the movie with an overlook of Diet Gotham City with spaceships.
Welcome To The Gyre 
I remember renting a video of this movie back when video stores were everywhere in 1995 or 96 – Actually at the time I did not think this was as bad as everyone was saying it was — not a great film for sure – but I enjoyed it a little bit – I don’t think I have ever seen it since though – I think it may be a movie that Stallone would like to forget about!
I can easily see why people would want to watch it, the scenes with Rico and Dredd loudly slurring at each other is pretty hysterical. I would say the film is iconic for its hilarious awfulness. I’m sure Stallone looks back and cringes!