Son of Ruxpin

Folks, it has happened. I never thought I would ever encounter this again in my life, but I have. Last week, I was enjoying an afternoon with my friend, Lindsey, wandering through Barnes & Noble. We were strolling amiably through the aisles when as we approached the kids’ toys section, I stopped dead in my tracks, frozen in horror. When Lindsey asked what was wrong, I could only point to the object of my terror. She looked ahead and understood instantly. (Note: See my previous post “Four Ridiculous Things That Have Terrified Me” for reference.) There it was.
*Cue the Psycho violins here

Yes, Teddy Ruxpin has resurrected. And I did not think it was possible, but Ruxpin looks even creepier than he did in his first incarnation. He is the unholy spawn of Chucky and the Golden Crisp cereal bear.

Naturally, I had to investigate this further, and lucky for you readers, I documented all the evidence.

Just look at this. Now, Ruxpin’s eyes are animated instead of mechanical. Most of these eye expressions make this bear looks like he’s on a constant acid trip.

The little boy in the picture does not look happy or excited so much as he appears to be both confused and disturbed.

And Ruxpin has some troubling kill faces going on.

This is the only child who knows something is not right. He’s clearly observing Ruxpin with suspicion.

I don’t know how this monstrosity was revived from its previous residence in the sixth ring of Hell, but it’s back to terrorize childhood nightmares around the world once more. I blame 80s nostalgia and toy manufacturers trying to resuscitate every popular child’s toy from past decades to make a quick buck.

Now, in reality, I’m sure there is absolutely nothing to worry about and I’m probably blowing my fears out of proportion again. But to be on the safe side, I’ll probably be keeping these on hand. Just in case.

No copyright infringement intended.  Chucky belongs to Universal Pictures and the Golden Crisp Cereal Bear is the property of Post. Teddy Ruxpin is distributed by Wicked Cool Toys. Other images have been provided by the author.